Parenting Tips: Wisdom from 200 Years Ago (selection of friends)
Parenting Tips: Guiding our Children in Selecting Their Influences
OK, while I believe Gardiner Spring has many good things to say about this vital topic of helping our children in the process of selecting their friends (and therefore their influences), I thought it might be best to start with hearing about YOUR thoughts.
So…here are a few questions to get our minds contemplating in that direction. Would love to hear from you about any of them in the comments.
1. When you were growing up, did you view ‘home’ as a fun/pleasant/rewarding place to be? Why/why not?
2. There seems to be a balance between deciding with whom your child(ren) will be friends and allowing them to wisely make those choices themselves. Where do you fall in that spectrum? How do you achieve balance in that? Different approaches for different ages of children?
3. Share the wisdom! Is there a ‘discernment’ truth that you recall being taught to you in your past that has stuck with you? Anything you have shared with your child(ren) that has borne fruit?
4. Can you point to a decision that you have made as a parent that directly affected the attractiveness of the relationships in your family? Either for the better or for the worse (if you are willing and thank you in advance if you are)?
Parenting Tips: Wisdom from 200 Years Ago (Industrious Habits)
Parenting Tips from 200 Years Ago
OK, this one sounds a bit 19th-Century-ish, but it is still a call for wisdom that we certainly need today.
How are we preparing our children for their future? With their best interests in mind by placing them in character-building activities readying them for what lies ahead in life? Or by allowing them to overly indulge themselves at one comfort station after another?
I recognize that this is one area that I have a great need for personal growth. And subsequently, an area that I need to work harder at if I want to lead my children in doing the same. We just don’t have a good grasp of of work in our culture. And I catch myself falling into wrong thinking on this issue. Maybe you do too.
It starts with understanding that work is not a punishment or a result of the Fall. Hard, sweat-inducing and anxiety-surrounded work is, but not work itself. Work was there before Adam & Eve ventured into disobedience. In fact, it was a significant part of the outworking of our design. We were called to work and care for God’s creation. The dreaded deed of partaking of that forbidden fruit just made it punishing. We’ve had misconceptions about work ever since.
We have turned work around making it the beginning of an equation (work leads to survival/prosperity/etc). Rather, it is to be the end of an equation (work is the result of a calling and a provision).
As a culture, we still have a kernel of understanding regarding this truth. We sometimes refer to the hard work that lies before us, or our children, as a great opportunity to learn. And that is what it is. The benefits are many. Spring notes that “industrious habits have such a happy influence on the intellectual and moral character.”
So, let’s lead in pursuing work and industriousness. Know that fulfillment, accomplishment and even joy are the byproducts.
Prayerful response: Lord, strengthen me to work hard. And to recognize that it is by the strength that You provide that I am able to do it. Allow me the wisdom to lead my family in doing the same. May work be a privilege that points us to Your grace-filled fulfillment. Amen.
Parenting Tips: Wisdom from 200 Years Ago (Truthfulness)
Parenting Tips: about…well, truth.
Like making many small investments consistently over time that will grow your retirement portfolio, having a ‘sacred regard for truth’ is a process that reaps tremendous rewards. But when it comes to seeing that happen in your children, there is one catch. Um, they look to you as a parent. Ouch.
We have the privilege of teaching our kids to invest wisely. Do I allow that small ‘un-truth’ to stand? Do I just let it go or do I deal with it? Am I careful to not highlight the inevitable falsehoods that so easily can invade our home by various means? Each action or inaction is a contribution to either the truth or lie ledger.
Spring reminds us that children “must see that love, confidence, and honor – or disgust, distrust, and disgrace – will follow them as they let either truth or lies lead them”.
As I type this, Republican voters in Florida are deciding for whom their delegates will grant support in the election for President. Basically, it will be a result of listening to weeks and months worth of both truths and lies (which include all the half-truths, partial truths, and somewhat truths). I feel for them in that voting process in that trying to decipher what is true and what is not-so-much can be a challenge (though maybe not THAT much…).
You may not have had negative political ads to deal with in your household, but balancing truth and the alternative is a call for all parents. Choose well, and grow a similar regard in those that are following you.
Prayerful response: Lord, thank you for being the author of truth. Thank you that we can rely on Your truthfulness. Help me to hold a high standard for truth in my home and in my life. Grant me the courage and wisdom to address issues of truth and lies with those to whom you have called me to lead. Let me walk in step with You. Amen.
Parenting Tips: Wisdom from 200 Years Ago (authority)
Parenting Tips: A Word About Authority
I live with the strong belief that there are many people on this planet smarter and wiser than I. And there have been many more who have gone before me in ages and times past. And sometimes, they write their thoughts down and I certainly appreciate that.
One such source is a pastor at Brick Presbyterian Church in New York City in the early to mid 19th century with the absolutely awesome name of Gardiner Spring. He wrote a great little book that you could probably read in one short sitting. Or…you could just stay tuned here and allow me to share some highlights and thoughts from what he shares with us! Tedd Tripp from Grace Fellowship Church in Hazleton, PA adds some ‘gospel encouragements’ along the way too.
Chapter one shares ‘important truths to teach our children’. And the first item on the list is one that I think we have a difficult time with in our time and culture. We tend to want parenting to be a consultancy rather than the take-charge CEO-like endeavor that it is. Maybe that’s because we cloud the picture up with examples of powers abused (of which there are plenty of examples) and benefits of being ‘best friends’ with our children (of which there are some). But the call and command is clear. We are to lead our children, and lead with authority.
The part of this important truth that I am most thankful for is that it is not authority that I need to grab for myself and wield as I wish. It is God’s idea. Spring said it well when he noted “the God of nature has assigned the years of childhood and youth to parental control”.
So simple, wise truth # 1 is that we must teach our children to be subject authority. God’s authority. In the person of Dad and Mom.
Great start…and great reminder.
Prayerful response: Lord, thank you for reminding me that You have created a system for preserving Your people. And that system requires that I be under Your authority and then lead those You have given me. Please grant me the wisdom to apprehend that calling, not on my own strength, but on the bountiful wisdom that You provide. Let me walk in step with You. Amen.
Give Your Family a Healthy Sheen
You would think it would be rather obvious.
You know. People all over the world. Across cultures, locations, socio-economic levels and ages.
But there it was. A four-step process on how to wash your hair.
Now, I’ve been doing just that for a number of years. Haven’t needed assistance for nearly all that time. But I’m always game for learning something new, or just refreshing the ol’ noggin with a little reminder. So I checked out the ‘suggestions’ provided by the ‘lead stylist’ associated with the shampoo that I was using this morning.
And not only did I exit the shower with a fresh ‘n’ clean head, but was struck by how the items I just put into practice likewise applied to expressing love to my family.
Step 1 – Coat wet hair with a liberal amount of shampoo. (don’t be skimping…)
OK, so I just assumed this was a sly way to get you to use lots of shampoo, thereby using it up quicker and requiring you to buy more. Nice move, shampoo-marketers! In fact, we break this rule in our household by separating our shampoo into multiple bottles and adding water to make it last longer, but that’s for a ‘how-to-save-money’ post for another time.
But I like the idea. If you’re going to use/do something, use/do it! Use the shampoo, we’ll gladly sell you more. Show your love to those closest to you! That love will deepen and you’ll have more available tomorrow!
So, take a moment or two and make a list of ideas to express love to your family. Special times together. Simple gestures. Meaningful words. Appropriate responses. Quality time. And then just add volume. Lots of volume. Apply liberally.
Step 2 – Gently massage the scalp and roots with your fingertips to work into a rich lather. (be thorough…)
Don’t just leave a wad-o-suds on your head, work it in there so it can do its job. Do it with your fingertips (potentially applying some degree of ‘hey, I can feel that!’ to your head) but in a gentle manner.
Sounds to me like saying what needs to be said, but with love as the main motive. Now that you’ve got your list from step 1, get going. There may be a slight degree of pressure/pain at some points, but true cleaning is taking place. Be sure to do so appropriately with gentleness as a guide.
Step 3 – Rinse thoroughly. (don’t forget the obvious…)
I like the fact that the shampoo people don’t try to get cute with this step and come up with a longer sentence/paragraph format trying to explain it. Um, you’ve got soapy stuff on your head…get it off.
Likewise, let’s not get too fancy with our list of love expressions and their practice. Your ideas will look a lot less like a new best-selling book on marriage-building and child-rearing. Instead, it’s probably going to be a bunch of simple things that you’re almost embarrassed to put down. But we often just need those reminders of the obvious. I’ve put ‘tell them that I love them’ down on my list because…well, because I don’t want the opportunity to pass by without doing so.
Obvious? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely!
Step 4 – Finish your look with…(insert other product info here) (wider impact…)
Clean hair can then lead to sweet-smelling hair. Or well-balanced hair. Or properly-moistured hair. Or significantly-styled hair. Or whatever. I really couldn’t even tell you what a number of the products they had listed do for somebody if applied to their hair. But I get the point…don’t just stop with the shampoo! (Again, ‘bravo’ to the marketing people for getting you to presumably spend more.)
So, you’ve renewed your love expressions to your family. Now apply the same principles to other situations with those around you other than your family. Imagine the impact on your neighborhood, your workplace, your community of faith, etc! That may not mean telling your boss that you love him/her (warning: possibly inappropriate!), but an attitude will grow from exercising your love for family that will register in every realm of your life.
It doesn’t take long for me to clean my hair. Not much effort either. But can you imagine if I didn’t take these simple steps?! Kinda gross.
Let’s make our families great by doing the same with those whom we call our ‘loved’ ones. You’ll look marvelous!
Banging the Humdrum Drum
Well, in these here parts, we’ve just come through a season of big ideas.
Christmas comes and goes with all its festivities and importance. The music of a holiday program. The planning of parties. Searching for the perfect gift for those on your list (and the potential bill that comes later for it if you are not careful). And the contemplation of the meaning of the holiday itself all come with a larger-than-life feel to them.
New Year’s follows with it assortment of lists noting the ‘best of…’, more plans for more parties and gatherings, and then the ‘this-is-going-to-be-the-year-that-I…’ resolutions. And both those memories and the ideas for the future have a large-ness of their own.
But now we venture into a long stretch of monotony (especially if you’ve already broken a resolution or two like many of us). I just realized that after a series of work weeks that were either lacking in intensity or actual days in the office or both, there I will be until Memorial Day. Time to bear down for the relative long haul.
But great families, and the people that make them, never underestimate the power of the everyday. So while the coming weeks and months may be a little shy in the extravagance department, they still rate high in importance. Here’s just a few reminders that I’ve had the privilege of experiencing…feel free to share yours in the comments.
- Life lessons learned from plain conversations – I recently was in a group where tremendous truth was shared. It was done quickly and easily and without fanfare. Take the time to just chat with somebody. You’ll gain from their input and share a bit together in this thing we call life. Enjoy.
- Fresh outlook – OK, this one is a bit goofy and personal, but trust me, it can be amazing! I got new glasses today. They fit on my face better. They don’t have scratches. And they look crisp, if I may say so myself. And though the prescription only changed ever-so-slightly, I can see just that tad bit more clearly and it makes a huge difference. So that’s the illustration…insert your own ‘fresh outlook’ reality here.
- Joy and Ease of a little planning – Sarah and I enjoyed a date the other day. And I was able to enjoy the benefit of actually taking some time to think through some things beforehand (as in…prior to the drive there!) and making a list of items to cover. Coupled with Sarah’s stellar characteristic of routinely doing so, we not only appreciated our time out together, but made decent strides forward as well.
- Spark from a timely observation – Wow, mark this one down in my ‘how to master Daddy-dom’ notes! Sometimes, we just forget to take the opportunity to do the uncomplicated things. Like noticing something pleasant about your daughter, mentioning it to her, and seeing her face light up because you did so.
Mid-January through April may not have the same pizzaz as December, but we can make them just as meaningful and powerful when we spruce them up by remembering the greatness of the ordinary.
What I Love About My Family: Reason # 18
I enjoy and appreciate the special ‘mommy radar’ that Sarah, and I presume every mother in the history of the world, has been given and utilizes.
I was watching a movie and, as is quite frequently the case, Sarah dozed off a few minutes into it. And when she sleeps, she sleeps.
Arguing with great volume? She sleeps.
Scene with excitement and corresponding noise? She sleeps.
Machinery and devices with clanging and clattering? She sleeps.
Loud singing? She sleeps.
Occasional explosions and general hullabaloo? She sleeps.
And then at one point there is a small boy playing with some toys on the living room floor. In need of some comfort and direction, he stands up and starts to call “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” as he pursues her throughout the house. Immediately as this unfolds, Sarah shoots straight up, ready to assist her peeps however she can!
I let her know that it was just part of the movie. And she returns directly to her state of slumber.
But the Mommy Radar is a-working…and is in prime working condition.
I love my family.
Definitions of ‘Family’
The common definition of ‘family’ would basically include a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children. But you can quickly see how that may not mesh real well with reality. And I’m not just talking about the broken and mixed groups of people living in the same households of today. History clearly reveals that family for the most part would include not only ‘extended family’ like grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, but also household servants and their ‘families’ too.
And then there’s those close relations from work, the local pub, your team, your church or the gang that hangs out on the weekends to consider in the family equation as well. It could very well be that your ‘family’ is defined by many relationships other than surname connections.
So what is more important? Is ‘who lives where’ the deciding factor? Or does the degree of influence and authority play a bigger role? I suppose you could argue any and all points, but it all comes down to the fact that families are the building blocks of our society.
To making Your family Great!
Larry
When Gifts Rain Down
No, I didn’t take the time to explain the reality of atmospheric pressure, the atomic weight of helium, or the way we could view theology in the situation. His look of amazed awe was enough for me. I matched it up with a satisfied smile he had shared with me the day before. I love it when God allows for things like this to happen.
My three-year old son William is a lot like me. He’s human too. So between the two of us, we frequently find ourselves learning the hard lessons of life. For William, lately that has been growing in self-control in the face of circumstances that scream for whining. Um…literally.
While there is a parental responsibility to nip the tantrum thing in the bud, sometimes I think we fail to realize the trauma that our children endure. Comedian Brian Regan humorously (as if a comedian would do it any other way) points out that a child losing a balloon and watching it float away would be equivalent to us adults having our wallets mysteriously vanish right in front of our eyes. Or maybe it is something far more important like my commute extending for ninety seconds due to that ill-timed red light. Buy, oh yeah, I was telling you about my son.
So one day recently, a helium-filled treasure was the spoil of his mid-day outing. Upon returning home, he simply asked his mother if he could play outside for a few minutes. Sarah granted permission and wisely took the opportunity to remind him to apprehend God’s grace-filled gift of self-control should the balloon somehow slip his grip (for some reason he requested that it NOT be tied to his wrist per the usual).
Sure enough…well, you know what happened. As did big brother Jace, who couldn’t stop the inevitable despite his efforts.
I was greeted with a huge grin and “I’m a happy boy!” when I got home that evening. After I heard the full account, we appropriately celebrated this victory in character-building that we had been granted. I still had my wallet and a fuss-free William slept peacefully.
Peaceful in knowing the satisfied joy of obedience. Peaceful in knowing that all was ‘OK’ even though disappointment had been experienced. Peaceful even as the thunder rolled and the rain fell.
Yup…rain.
Do you know what happens when it rains? Sometimes little boys receive amazing blessings when it rains.
The next morning, I was surveying the yard for the day’s work to be done when an item caught my attention. Edge of the yard, under the trees. What is a balloon doing there?
I’ll admit that for a split-second, I was tempted to reach back into the portion of my brain where chemistry facts are stored to conjure up an explanation.
But sometimes you don’t explain things. You just call your son who in a significant way the day before was able to connect his ability to control his thoughts and actions to his parents’ instructions.
And then you marvel at the look in his face as you are able to connect it to the graceful sovereignty of his God.
To your Great Family,
Larry
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